Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
