miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
