he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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