Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
