At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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