8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
