I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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