dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
