i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
