Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
this hospital has no fireball
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
