You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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