Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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