I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
