Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
