two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
