I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
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