I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
