I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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