What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
