"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize