I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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