we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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