Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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