Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I haven't been this sober since birth.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
