happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
