I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
