The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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