so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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