Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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