So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
