I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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