So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
