So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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