bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
