The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
