I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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