If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize