You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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