let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
