Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
