He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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