You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
