his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize