i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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