i barfeds in our rink
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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