well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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