Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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