Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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