I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
