nut hugger
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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