What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
