OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
