i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
