I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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