Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
