Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
