What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
