I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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