Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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