I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
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