If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
