so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize