Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
