Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
