planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
