So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
