There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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