Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
