his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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