bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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