I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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