ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
