I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
