When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
