im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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