I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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