Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
