You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this boner is exhausting
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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