Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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